I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
