FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
