Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
