Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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