You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
