Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
