Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
