So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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