The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
