Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
