I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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