i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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