She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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