I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
