He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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