Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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