shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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