Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
