I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
