My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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