they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
