I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
