You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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