oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
