The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this beer tastes like vomit already
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
