i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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