you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
