dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
