She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
false alarm, still single
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
