go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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