I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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