it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
