help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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