this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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