Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
