he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
