3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize