I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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