First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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