I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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