Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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