I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
