i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
