He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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