her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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