I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
