I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
