So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
