Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
