So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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