A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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