R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
