she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
