I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
