Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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