the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
