This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
