Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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