I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
