I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
