I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
