I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
