I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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