You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize