My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
