Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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