Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
