I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
