so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
