end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My cat gives me a boner
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
