ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
