we have pet lesbian snakes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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