I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
