the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
