She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
