Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
