you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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