I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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